I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
