I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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