Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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