It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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