Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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