You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
