Are we in a gay sports bar?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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