not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
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The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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