I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You are the jesus of drinking
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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