Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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