You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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