i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
