She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
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god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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