dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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