My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
