May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
