we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I didn't shave. On purpose
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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