How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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