Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
