She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
