Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
