My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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