Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
