i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
