I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
