Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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