checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
