so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
