ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
