I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
