There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
