; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
