I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
