Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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