Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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