grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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