He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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