ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
