I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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