My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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