he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
