There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
