is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
