Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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