I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.