Texts From Last Night

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  (530): View more from California

  No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

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  (530): No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here. http://tfl.nu/k9so
  Replies (33) Good night (2583) Bad night (1202)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.

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  (973): she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle. http://tfl.nu/83v8
  Replies (5) Good night (2583) Bad night (618)
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  (845): View more from New York

  just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.

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  (845): just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever. http://tfl.nu/d1ay
  Replies (21) Good night (8999) Bad night (783)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.

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  (425): got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche. http://tfl.nu/j1u9
  Replies (11) Good night (3909) Bad night (723)
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  (914): View more from New York

  all she had left on were here heels. phone five

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  (914): all she had left on were here heels. phone five http://tfl.nu/azpy
  Replies (11) Good night (5412) Bad night (952)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.

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  (608): Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week. http://tfl.nu/ckos
  Replies (8) Good night (3547) Bad night (1172)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better

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  (479): I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better http://tfl.nu/bldt
  Replies (7) Good night (2599) Bad night (771)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours

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  (519): Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours http://tfl.nu/fxl2
  Replies (26) Good night (1651) Bad night (681)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.

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  (574): well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test. http://tfl.nu/4a57
  Replies (4) Good night (872) Bad night (328)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me

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  (479): Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me http://tfl.nu/1kph
  Replies (2) Good night (458) Bad night (704)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder

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  (503): Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder http://tfl.nu/i6jl
  Replies (8) Good night (1024) Bad night (511)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine

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  (574): I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here... (614): Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine http://tfl.nu/936x
  Replies (1) Good night (990) Bad night (423)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Great news. Our sex broke my otter box

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  (709): Great news. Our sex broke my otter box http://tfl.nu/dqxv
  Replies (3) Good night (798) Bad night (346)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices

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  (850): Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices http://tfl.nu/ay6e
  Replies (0) Good night (597) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.

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  (314): Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state. http://tfl.nu/jtht
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (197)

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