Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
