Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
