Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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