Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
