I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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