Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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