ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
