Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
