I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
