last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
