i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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