Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
