dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
