I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
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I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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