she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
