five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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