We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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