final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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