i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The feeling are messing with the penis
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
