12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
