Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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