this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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