were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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