Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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