He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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