I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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